My essay for college; as you can see it’s all marked up by Mr. Carney. He said for the most part it's done pretty well; I just have to add more detail, which will allow me to convey my point better to the college I plan on attending. Constructive criticism is the way to go; I know Mr. Carney only wants the best for me, now I just have to do my part and work on my essay.
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